Saturday, March 10

anugerah dari siapa ?

peace be upon you.

semalam ada bbq vinayaka.
well it was great. and it ended at 4 in the morning.
and today, I went to Alor Setar with a few of my classmates.
it was okay. what ? no . it was tiring bwahaha.

so tonight.
had been thinking about this for awhile now. hee.
urm enjoy :)


back then, I had always been the girl who loves attention. Well it's not really attention, but I would say, recognition and appreciation. I want people to know me and know what I do and give me tokens for that.

I still remember I wanted so bad to be the vice class monitor -..-
but I never was one.


Back in 2010, I was 17. There's a new system introduced to the school by Encik Sharifuddin. It was on the usrah thing. There are 2 different levels or as we called MT, MT01 and MT02. 02 is the superior one.

And yeah, I was in 01.

My heart breaks. How can they easily judge like that ?
Even though some said that, it meant nothing.
But for me personally, I was disappointed.


Today, in 2012, here in KMKN, a lovely place that I love, one situation that is quite the same happens.

What is it ? Hmm. Let it be a secret :D

But the important thing is that,
it makes me wonder;
Why not me ? Am I not good enough ?
For me, I'm the right person for that spot.

It turns out they were right for not choosing me and
I was wrong for thinking that I'm good enough.


The point here is that, sometimes I was so busy trying to prove others that I'm the one. It doesn't matter for what purpose. I always wanted to be the one under the spotlight.

I was trying to search for HUMAN's recognition and appreciation.
I want people to know I'm the best.
But one thing I always forget is that,
that should not be the main reason I do all the stuffs I did.

But I must seek His recognition & blessings. main point. That's the way it should be.

Maybe in human's eyes, I'm not the best in anything.
Maybe back in school, I was obviously not qualified to be in MT02.
And maybe here in kmkn, I haven't show the true side of me yet.

But now, it doesn't matter, I must be the best in front of Him first. Then, good things will follow,
insyaAllah :)

let us pray<3

I have so much to learn. So much to fix.
Still crawling in this world of tarbiyyah, as I am trying my best to improve myself first, insyaAllah.
So now, I have to make a great decision for my own future. Huuh it will include a few hearts
around me, so I have to be strong, make a decision and stand strong with it.

tomorrow we got a chemistry quiz, haven't study yet. haiya. salam :)


KhalilahAlhudaKamilen said...

waduh atey,
mendalam sungguh ini post!
terus thabat sahabat.
biar tak dikenali penduduk bumi,
tapi dikenali penduduk langit.


ateyyyy said...

syukran huda.

alhamdulillah baru sedar.
alhamdulillah diberi kesempatan untuk sedar :)

bantu ana huda, bila ana lupa <3