Saturday, March 10

anugerah dari siapa ?

peace be upon you.

semalam ada bbq vinayaka.
well it was great. and it ended at 4 in the morning.
and today, I went to Alor Setar with a few of my classmates.
it was okay. what ? no . it was tiring bwahaha.

so tonight.
hmm.
had been thinking about this for awhile now. hee.
urm enjoy :)

****

back then, I had always been the girl who loves attention. Well it's not really attention, but I would say, recognition and appreciation. I want people to know me and know what I do and give me tokens for that.

I still remember I wanted so bad to be the vice class monitor -..-
but I never was one.

****

Back in 2010, I was 17. There's a new system introduced to the school by Encik Sharifuddin. It was on the usrah thing. There are 2 different levels or as we called MT, MT01 and MT02. 02 is the superior one.

And yeah, I was in 01.

My heart breaks. How can they easily judge like that ?
Even though some said that, it meant nothing.
But for me personally, I was disappointed.

****

Today, in 2012, here in KMKN, a lovely place that I love, one situation that is quite the same happens.

What is it ? Hmm. Let it be a secret :D

But the important thing is that,
it makes me wonder;
Why not me ? Am I not good enough ?
For me, I'm the right person for that spot.

It turns out they were right for not choosing me and
I was wrong for thinking that I'm good enough.

****

The point here is that, sometimes I was so busy trying to prove others that I'm the one. It doesn't matter for what purpose. I always wanted to be the one under the spotlight.

I was trying to search for HUMAN's recognition and appreciation.
I want people to know I'm the best.
But one thing I always forget is that,
that should not be the main reason I do all the stuffs I did.

But I must seek His recognition & blessings.
That.is.the main point. That's the way it should be.

Maybe in human's eyes, I'm not the best in anything.
Maybe back in school, I was obviously not qualified to be in MT02.
And maybe here in kmkn, I haven't show the true side of me yet.

But now, it doesn't matter, I must be the best in front of Him first. Then, good things will follow,
insyaAllah :)

let us pray<3







I have so much to learn. So much to fix.
Still crawling in this world of tarbiyyah, as I am trying my best to improve myself first, insyaAllah.
So now, I have to make a great decision for my own future. Huuh it will include a few hearts
around me, so I have to be strong, make a decision and stand strong with it.

tomorrow we got a chemistry quiz, haven't study yet. haiya. salam :)

2 comments:

KhalilahAlhudaKamilen said...

waduh atey,
mendalam sungguh ini post!
terus thabat sahabat.
biar tak dikenali penduduk bumi,
tapi dikenali penduduk langit.

:D

ateyyyy said...

syukran huda.

alhamdulillah baru sedar.
alhamdulillah diberi kesempatan untuk sedar :)

bantu ana huda, bila ana lupa <3