cry ?

after awhile doing things for others. she thinks it's easy and she's happy. she thought she could do it for days, weeks, or even years. but then,

all the sacrifices. all the time spent. all the energy labored. all the money invested. she realized, it's actually not easy. what's up with all the sudden change of heart ? it turns out that all of her efforts are not even appreciated. not even close to be appreciated. in fact, not even noticed.

not at all.

she ached badly. wounded deeply. 

if she could just scream out loud just to tell the world how she feels, she could have done it. if she could just run and go somewhere else no one can find her, she could have done it. if sleeping and entering the dreamland could be the answer, she could have just swallowed all the sleeping pills. but that's not how she face this kind of situation. 

when everything around her just seems to be wrong. she tried to tell her heart, this just is another test from Him. patience dear heart, she kept repeating those words. even though she thought she's a strong person. she knew there are times when she breaks down. this one, is one of those time, it's a little bit too heavy to bear.

she closed her eyes, tried to accept whatever that's happening is real, she prayed when she opens her eyes, things will just turn normal. she could smile again.

and when she opened her eyes, a good news came.

smiling was not the first reaction. but instead, she cried.

her world was so full with negativity a minute ago. but in a blink of an eye, everything just got neutralised. who else can do it but Him ? they say best things happen when they are not expected. yes she experienced it once again. receiving a love sign from Him at the time she needed it the most.

so she thought in the first place, she should do everything because of Him, especially in helping others. forever it will feel as easy as ABC. because she believes all the sacrifices will be paid in a better way insyaAllah :)

oh she didn't say it will be easy because she is a human being who always forgets. but she will try to keep on doing it with all the ups and downs, as long as it will bring her closer to His jannah. and that is what she cares about.

not appreciated ? yes. that hurts, a lot. but at least, every time it happens, she will try harder to appreciate everyone and everything around her because that's the last thing she want others to experience. 

alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal :)

1) do everything because of Him

2) just do, no reward

3) appreciate everything around you today

4) Allah teaches in mysterious ways

dia bersyukur hanya tiada sepasang kasut 

bila dia lihat orang lain tidak lagi punya sepasang kaki.